my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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