i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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