I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
