Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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