Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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