i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
