Ketchup is God's man juice
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
