Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
