you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
