I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
