That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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