I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I need to stop coming to work sober
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
