I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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