i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
now i know why i became what i already was.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
