he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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