addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
