Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
and you fell through a lawn chair
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
