you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
