Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
