In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
