Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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