theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
