you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
