Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
