evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
