one word: firstdatebathroomanal
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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