Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
