Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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