If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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