Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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