I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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