sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
