You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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