love makes seman taste better
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
