i jhust puked up my retainher.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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