I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
