this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
