oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
