He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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