I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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