When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
