I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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