Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
