Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
