Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
