Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
