You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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