Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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