Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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