Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
